25 random things about god

1. mean

bodies

i don't like having a body. it's confining. i don't like how bodies get hurt, or get sick, or get too full when they eat too much. i don't like not having the body that i want, and i hate exercise. how can anyone like it? who wants to get sweaty and have their heart beat too fast and run out of breath and get a stitch in their side? it's so unpleasant.

one of the ways god puts us in an awful position

food. we're on this planet with these other creatures, (some of whom are admittedly douchebags... you know who you are coyotes), and the only way we can survive is to kill and eat each other. yeah, you can be a vegetarian, (you can. i don't have the self control), but animals are stupid and they don't have a choice. say you're a fuckin' coyote. first of all, that sucks that you have to be an ugly coyote, but that's not the point. all you are is a stupid coyote and now you have a moral dilemma: if you want to live you have to hunt and kill poor little mice or whatever other animals coyotes eat. you have to trap the little mouse, then you have to sink your ugly teeth into a poor little live animal. (i hate mice too, but again... not the point). isn't that mean of god to put asshole coyotes in that position? i mean, forget the mice. that sucks that they get to be eaten alive... but i sympathize with the motherfucking coyotes.

god should at least be as nice as i am

here's a list of things i'd never do that god has done:
1. make a bet with the devil and let the devil torture some poor old dude.
2. let a bunch of assholes kill my son to prove some weird point that i still don't get.
3. rape a married virgin (wtf?) then force her to have my baby, then NEVER pay child support then let douchebags kill the baby.
4. put a naked dude in a forest with a naked chick, plant an apple tree, tell the dude and chick you CAN'T eat the apples, then let a snake go in there and taunt the chick into eating the apple.
5. passive aggressively talk to crazy people through objects, i.e.: a burning bush.
6. kill babies because their didn't put lambs blood on the door.
7. tell a schizophrenic that if he doesn't kill his own son, he's not a good person, then go: "gotcha! just kidding!"
8. part a sea, let people i like go into the sea, then close the sea when the people i don't like go in, because they were thinking, "oh, snap! the sea is all open and shit! let's go in!"

loving OR powerful

people think god is both all loving and all powerful. are these so-called people insane? how can an all loving god let you get cancer? i know, i know, there's a plan, we can't see it, we're part of some great "thing" or something where he gets to know what's going on and we have to pretend it's perfectly all right to get cancer. in fact, it's fantastic because we get to go back to him and hang out and chill and see our buds. but... seriously.... i'm not that nice.... and i would never let you get cancer. or a kid get cancer. or a plane crash. or the whole darfur thing. i would never let that happen, and i think for god to be called, "loving" he should be at least as nice as i am. another explanation is that god is nice, but not that effective. like, keeping the clouds up or "sound" working is really really hard and he doesn't have time to make cancer go away for everyone. he's busy, okay?! what do you think? god is loving and you have to come up with some kind of bullshit rationalization for all the terrible things he lets happen... (i.e.: the devil. god made the devil and can control the devil but doesn't because this whole life business is this awful test but instead of failing you burn in hell forever. nice). or... god's a basically good guy who can't get much done. like my dad.